Keep or leave

11/20/2016 - 21:01
Keep or leave

Let's be honest: even the strongest couples go through tests that put the relationship on the brink of rupture. But why some people are able to overcome the quarrels and other slow to burn the bridges? Keep or leave is a question that suffers at least one of the partners in a lot of pairs. Every day, every hour, right here in this very second. Meanwhile, psychologists are advised to ask another question. The answers to that and help you come to the right decision.

1. What do you expect from love?

Usually this question is replaced by another - "I love him (her) so far?". But the answer is too often dictated by the myths of popular culture. In that love - is when your partner understands you without words and anticipates your every desire? In real life, things are different. And above all, we should soberly recognize that if your relationship is in crisis, that exactly half of the blame for this lies with you. "People come into a relationship not" from scratch ", they carry with them a load of previously accumulated problems. And unconsciously expect that your partner magically solve all of them. And when this happens, it is very frustrated and feel that the relationship did not justify itself, "- says Jodi McKay, a clinical psychologist, an expert Psychologies (South Africa). It recommends that the lovers be sober expectations. And strive for that level of intimacy, where everyone can fearlessly tell your partner about the emotional wounds. Only in this case, you can count on the fact that the loved one will help them heal.

Sometimes such situation touching everyone

2. You want to get rid of because of?..

You can get away from a partner, whom cooled off, but you will never be able to escape from yourself. So try to understand that you especially are not satisfied. It is possible that the answer lies within you. "For example, people who are accustomed to be strong and keep everything under control, unconsciously inclined to the choice of the weak and dependent partners, - explains the expert in couple therapy Myra Vedzh. - Thus they seek to find balance in life. But as a result one day it is the weakness and vulnerability of the partners are qualities that begin most annoying. "And this can go on indefinitely, as long as a person does not admit to himself that the weakness - not a mortal sin. And he, apparently, is sometimes affording to be weak. Once this happens, the weakness of the partner ceases to be an irritant.

What about independence and cheating?

3. Are you sure you will be able to live independently?

It is often thought of solitude frightens women even more than himself has long outlived the marriage. Are you afraid of not cope alone with life's difficulties? Or are you afraid that the new right partner to meet will not succeed? If the answer is "yes", then, oddly enough, existing relationships should probably stop as soon as possible - said the therapist Ruthie Smith. "The more dependent on the other person you fall, the more you lose faith in yourself and the ability to be responsible for their lives."And for their happiness, for which, ultimately, are responsible only to you and nobody else.

4. Can you deal with cheating?

For most couples, adultery is more than sufficient reason for divorce. But Myra Vedzh disagrees. As is the case with the first question, it offers honest to admit that your partner started looking for fun on the side, and there's your fault. "Perhaps you tend to" punish "the partner absence of the intimate life of any faults? Or he does not feel your part of admiration, to which were generous the first few months of living together, and that is actually all of us need all the time? "If two people are able to understand what happened and to agree on an inevitable course of time the redistribution of roles in the pair, the betrayal is not only destroying the relationship, but also to strengthen them.